Voices in the wilderness.

All things considered, I’d rather be reading your journey, speaking with and or listening to you, because I type poorly, am lazy so it’s a chore sometimes. But I guess that’s not fair, so I’ll try and pry myself outa laziness.

Neat thing out here is the voices you get to hear, I’ve found a family of journeyers and they actually bother to listen as well as speak. Thanks and thanks for your encouragement.

I heard a voice once and no one was there, and I don’t wear aluminum foil hats to keep the Martians from beaming thoughts into my head, I know my own thoughts.

Everyone it seems is dealt a random hand some live long some die young, some are rich some are poor, some are sick some are relatively healthy, some struggle with depression. I have had some serious bouts with depression and one day I woke up and had come to an end. I was pissed off because I woke up again, I’d had it. So I went into a room by myself and sat down put my feet up on a desk and began to reason in myself. I wasn’t talking to anyone just myself nor was I looking to or for God at the moment. I was at the lowest of lows and it went something like this.

I reasoned thus, you know you’ll probably never have any kind of satisfying career you’ve tried pretty much everything you can think of and nothing ever seems to work out, and I couldn’t agree more. Then I reasoned you know you’ll probably never be married have a family someone to come home to, you don’t seem to excel in the relationship department as a matter of fact you seem to suck at it, your always sabotage relationships, so anyway you’ll most likely never have a special someone, I couldn’t agree more, at the time that one stung the most. And on I went reasoning should I stay or should I go, and all the reasoning seemed to point to the go column, one after the other, lined up in the cons, there were no pros to be found. Ya follow?

Then I reasoned thus, you know, on top of all this, you are a coward for your God, you’re no example, you’re no shining light, who in their right mind would want your God for being exposed to you??? And I couldn’t agree more. At just that moment I heard a voice, like I said; I know my own thoughts and do not wear metal hats to keep the aliens from telling me stuff.

To the best of my recollection this is what the voice said. “ I understand, pause, but I have done a great and mighty deed for you, pause, would you consider doing this one thing for me, would you stay here a little while longer and after a little while I will send for you or I will come and receive you unto myself.” The voice said nothing more, I was dumb struck and very amazed, then the fear of death was removed from over me, that fear you have that keeps you from playing in traffic or standing to close to the ledge of a high place, it was gone, it was as if the voice was saying, “there I have removed your last obstacle you may come home now if you want”, the voice didn’t say it but that is the strong impression that I received. (Permission to die.)

At this point I would like you to note the first words out of the voices mouth, just two words, “I understand”, that is not the voice I am use to, the voice that was familiar to me up to that point would have said something more along the lines of,” what were you thinking or why would you do something as stupid as that, or what did you expect considering the way you’ve gone about it”. Have you heard that voice? I have, and still do.

Also note that the voice made no demands, none, I didn’t have to perform for the voice as a matter of fact the voice found me, I wasn’t looking for it. Years prior to this I had ask for forgiveness and sought the voice but on my own terms or the terms of those that I thought were better qualified, (“Brokers” to borrow a term) for the most part.

I’ve shared this story with more than one IC professional, these people are fools at least the ones that I’m thinking of; some even told me that God would never give one “permission to die”. A few of these IC professionals even have the audacity to liken themselves as wonderful consolers. How they love to point to themselves.

In some IC’s foot washing is made into a real drama, some guys will even wash a family members feet to put on a show, it sickens me because when Jesus washed feet, he did it in secret, he didn’t parade his friends before the congregation, to put on drama , and show how much he cared for these guy’s, it happened in an upper room, there were no witnesses. It’s not a lot of wonder, when you walk into most big churches you get the impression your in a theater and that is usually what you get, Theater. If you wanna wash something so bad, why not wash some ones car, chances are that the guy already had a shower that morning and your just doing it for kudos anyways and most of the time it’s the guy’s car that needs a bath course that wouldn’t make for good drama on Sunday would it ???

I’d much rather be reading you, yes even the sound of your voice, I find more soothing than any sermon I’ve sat through. You are the Lions. Make no mistake about it. The above mentioned are the fools and phony’s.

Oh and by the way, I went on to turn that awesome gift of the voice into a reason to be puffed up, just like Peters little walk on the water, I reasoned that hey I must be pretty special because the voice has spoken to me, If there’s a way to screw it up just like Pete, I’ll find it, I can be a pretty big fool myself. So in conclusion, I understand these fools, I do not excuse them, they have chosen to buy into one lie at a time until they liken themselves to “Wonderful consolers”, sorry but that position has already been filled and it aint you..

I guess the best you can do is point to the voice, don’t try and impersonate Him, because if you do, then, in the end all you’ll have to show for it is wood hey and stubble and you will thank Him for burning it, who would want to go though eternity dragging around a load of crap, especially when it comes time to throw the precious things to His feet, would you wanna be throwing your garbage??? No I’ll thank Him for burning mine, and I think for the most part we’ll beg him to burn it, see everything He dose is motivated by …

Grace, it’s for fools too, we need it, lots of Him.

ps. the morning after I posted this someone sent me a short cut to a random quote for an unrelated mater, here is the quote. >>>

"Candor is always a double-edged sword; it may heal or it may separate."
~ Wilhelm Stekel

Best
Leonard